Divorce = Damaged Goods?

I don't think divorce is ever the answer. Ever. Short of being so domestically and/or verbally abusive, especially with children, where lives are at stake, and after seeking all viable help with no change in the living situation, sometimes, maybe divorce is the answer.

Lonnie and I are both so completely fortunate in that neither of us comes from divorce. His parents were blessed to have been married 50+ years, mine have been blessed to be closing in on their 50th in a couple of years.

But recently, a younger friend of mine mentioned that if someone in their 20s is already divorced, that there are already a ton of issues there, that that's usually an indication of abuse, infidelity, lack of maturity, or other trust issues. The friend mentioned that it's a sign of problems that someone who has been divorced will bring into their next relationship.

That bothered me. 

A long time ago, while in college, a friend of mine, someone I adored and admired and respected, insisted that I needed to tell a gay family member, whom I'll call Pat that Pat's "ways" were wrong, that it was my responsibility as a Christian to change Pat, to ensure that Pat would make it back to "straight-hood". At the time, it was the second family member I knew to be gay.

I'll never forget that phone call. I was at the station, my first ever gig in radio, and she and I were talking about Pat. I casually mentioned it because of something she'd said, and that's how it all started. And it ended with me in tears, hanging up the phone, and ending my friendship with her.

I've been conflicted about organized religion for forever, since I can remember going to Sunday school. I hate its rigidity and how closed off it is. I do wonder, for example, why God only consulted men in writing the Bible. When I think of Jesus, the Earthly man, I think of a kind, loving, all-accepting prophet. He opened his heart to everyone. EVERYONE. He opened his heart to people who didn't believe him and/or didn't believe IN him.

While I don't worship the pope as many do (he's just a fellow human being, after all), he recently took in six more Syrian refugee families who were in Greece. He brought them back with him to the Vatican where their expenses and care will be provided. They are Muslim. I respect him so much more for those kinds of acts.

So what in the heck does this have to do with the divorce at the beginning of this post, you ask? Well, it goes to that black-and-white thinking. Yes, we all have convictions, religious and otherwise, and some of us waver while others remain steadfast and still others as immobile as the statues on Easter Island. 

But there is so.much.grey in the world. 

Why must someone be "damaged goods" if they have been divorced, young or not? And why assume that someone who has been divorced will carry those issues into their next relationship? That person, along with anyone else, has the right to change. It doesn't mean they will, but they can. And they might.

My point is this: if Jesus could accept others as they were, accept and love them, forgive them, and not in a patronizing, condescending way, but sincere and genuine forgiveness of their past, why can't Christians do the same?